If there ever becomes a shortage of real estate on earth, some people have thought about moving to another planet and starting a new population of people.  And now it will be easier than ever to get there because eHow.com has put up an article called “How to Build a Space Ship.”

The intro says, “A space ship is a vehicle designed for use in outer space.  Astronauts and scientist use space ships in order to learn more about the universe.  Building a space ship is a complicated process that can take many years.  These steps can assist you.”

I’m glad the steps they go on to talk about can assist us because otherwise I wouldn’t have had a clue how to go about this.  I don’t know what all is involved, but I know it’s more complicated than changing out a hot water heater, so I’d be lost without a good guide.

The instructions in the article walk you through the process.  First you have to gain experience.  They point out that to build a space ship you’ll need advanced knowledge in math and science.  This probably means at more than a high school level.  They say you should get a job with NASA or a private space ship-building company so you can get more experience.

Okay, so, first education then NASA.  Next, you put together a team of engineers and other professionals.  I guess you could place an ad in the paper: “Wanted – engineers and professionals to help me build a space ship in my back yard.”  I can just see what kind of response you’d get from something like that.

There are other details, but I really like this one: “Design your space ship with all the necessary support systems to complete the mission.  It should be designed to be self sufficient for the length of its journey in outer space.”  (They had one extra word by mistake in that paragraph that I took out.  You would think somebody who is telling you how to build a space ship would have spotted that error.)

This article is great because they leave nothing to chance and remind us that our spaceship needs to be able to keep operating when you’re 500 million miles from earth, because who’s going to help you all the way out there?  And how long would it take them to get there if there was somebody to help?  It can take AAA an hour to find you in the parking lot where you had a flat, and that’s nowhere near 500 million miles.

You now have to analyze your design (this is where the team of scientists and professionals comes in because it’s unlikely you’ll have any idea how to read the schematics), build a model and make a prototype.  Then you test it under conditions like they have in space to make sure it’s not going to fall apart halfway to wherever you’re going.

(So unless you already have a space flight simulator, you’re probably going to have to build one of those, too.)

Sound expensive?  In the sections called Tips & Warnings, we learn: “A space ship can cost billions of dollars to design and build. Few people are able to afford the expense on their own.”  Good thing they warned us about this in case some guy thought he could go take out a second on his home and get right to work.

Then, just before that tip: “Ways to save money and safely cut cost should be discussed in every stage of the design process.”  Excellent advice, I would say.  And finally the last bullet: “Due to extreme cost, the complexity of design and how important your space mission is determined to be, your space ship may never make it past the design phase.”

I have a feeling it may not even make it to the design phase without a bunch of scientists and pros on your team, which you’re not going to get because whoever wrote this article is mentally deranged and eHow.com is deranged for putting it on their website.

Oh – there are two comments on this article on the site.  First: “This will cost billions of $ even if a billionaire start to build a spaceship he will be get arrested.”

Second: “Not if he does it in South America! :D”

Billions for a spaceship.  Zero for useless information.

Nick & Ellie